Beorn 2020

For far too long, the needs of Skin-changers have been ignored in modern politics. This slight against multi-body beings is becoming unbearable. It is high time that someone addressed the needs to this historically under-represented group, and I’m just the bear for the job. It is with great pleasure that I am announcing my candidacy for the 2020 presidential election.

The Bear Party might be new on the political landscape, but we have hundreds of years of policy experience, with particular expertise in slaying trolls. Our platform is pro-creature and open to all who do not serve Dark Lords or Fallen Gods. Unlike some members of other political parties, we support an open immigration policy – even uninvited Dwarves are welcome. We envision a future where the free peoples band together in fellowship, against our common enemies of ignorance and xenophobia.

In these trying times, the first questions many voters have for a new candidate are about economic policy. The defense budget for 2019 was 716 Billion Dollars. Such a gross waste of money might be necessary for human beings to “defend” themselves, but we bears are gifted which natural defenses of extra thick hides and razor sharp claws. Additionally bears have a long-standing allegiance with the eagles, so drones will no longer be used to “spread freedom”.

These savings will be used to improve the woeful state of our health care system. We spend more than any other country on health care, and yet our average life expectancy is decreasing. Health care is a complicated issue, but clearly our privatized health care system is not working for many citizens. After months of hibernation, I am ready with answers to these tricky questions.

Infrastructure might not be an exciting subject for many voters, but we have cities without clean water. It is the government’s responsibility to ensure all citizens the opportunity to be successful in their adventures, and a functioning infrastructure is critical to that opportunity. In addition to clean water and air, the Bear Party platform includes government supplied honey for all citizens. Not only is it delicious, but honey provides numerous benefits to the immune system and is essential for growing cubs.

I encourage anyone who shares my vision of a brighter future to donate to my campaign. Check back here for exciting updates on my quest to reclaim our government from the clutches of usurpers, plutocrats, and sycophants.

This message was approved by the Bear Party Super Pack.


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