It’s been a long slow decline into mediocrity for this fair island. It’s time to make Middle-earth great again, starting with our proud country. People say it can’t be done. Idiots. Not only is it possible – but I’m just the sorcerer to do it.
Everything was fine when it was just the Edain, but ever since these Eldar started immigrating we have lost our greatness. Without the permission of the Valar, these foreigners have come into our land with their weird languages and customs, and sowed the seeds of chaos. We had a wise ruler in the form of Melkor, but the Eldar waged an unjust war against him. Now Middle-earth is adrift without a strong leader to guide us. The only way to give our land the peace and security it deserves is to elect a new Dark Lord, and submit unconditionally to his will. I am just the Dark Lord for the job.
I vow to make Middle-earth great again. Tell your local priest that you want to worship me in ritual blood sacrifice. We will build a wall to hold off the immortal hordes, and we will make the Eldar pay for it. Some people think that Dwarves make the best walls. Others think it is the Noldor. They’re all wrong. I make the best walls. Everyone knows my walls are huge. Ask anyone – Angband had the best walls in Arda.
The Eldar are not sending their best. They are sending thieves, kin-slayers and weaklings. Just look at Celebrimbor. What a lightweight. He’s weak. Ask anyone. Everyone knows that I am better at making Rings than the Elves. My rings, they’re powerful. People know that when a ring is made by Sauron, it is filled with Power. When they are held in fetters as thralls in my slave armies, they know exactly whose ring holds them against their will. Celebrimbor’s rings? Weak. Everyone knows they’re weak. I have the best rings.
Some have accused me of feasting on mankind’s fear and ignorance. They’re just jealous. Weaklings want to praise the Eldar without respecting the power of their own race. Elves get credit for introducing language, art, poetry, ship-building, farming and animal husbandry. What has that done for man, other than bring more misery? At the end of day, we cannot trust anyone but ourselves. Elves are simply too alien. The only way to ensure safety in the face of such an unknowable force is to keep the races of Elves and Men apart. We must be separate but equal.
I urge you to let your voices be heard in the long droning chant of the doomed. Until darkness reigns over all of Arda, I remain your humble slave-master.