News: The Future of the Hall of Beorn

We’ve got exciting news about the future of the Hall of Beorn. After extensive research, including focus groups with the aid of Saruman the many-colored, the format of this site will be undergoing some dramatic changes. If the 21st century has taught us anything, it is that reading is lame. Why would anyone want to read thousands of pages of the stories of J.R.R. Tolkien when they could just see funny derivative cat pictures based on those stories. Better still, are half-baked references to dimly-remembered scenes from one of the movies based on those stories. When it comes to modern media, the more meta, the better.

The same is true of our beloved Living Card Game. Up to this point, articles have involved in-depth analysis of play strategy and deck building. What we at Orthanc Entertainment Industries LLC™ have learned is that people don’t like to read. Reading is difficult and causes headaches. People mostly visit this site for the pictures and only occasionally do they accidentally read bits of an article when their eyes happen to spot a word that they recognize. Working hard to create something of lasting value is a fool’s errand, it is much easier just to determine the lowest common denominator and then adjust all media to that universal standard of mediocrity.

So without further ado, we at Orthanc Entertainment Industries LLC™ are proud to announce a permanent change to the format of this blog. Henceforth, every article on this site will consist solely of “ironic” Tolkien-themed pictures featuring cute animals, without all of those annoying words. Here is the first installment of what will no doubt become the most popular blog on the internet. Enjoy!

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3 Responses to News: The Future of the Hall of Beorn

  1. James Harrison says:

    Tks S.man -Wdz r hrd, U iz gr8 elp 4 uz. Lolz@pzzy 🙂

  2. Josh says:

    Brilliant.

    I have read all (and actually reread many) of your posts and have enjoyed your writing tremendously. I nearly abandoned the game (though I own 2 core sets and all expansions) because it had become too demoralizing. With your help I was able to finally start playing decks that all of these trolls, dragons and nazgul wouldn’t kill simply by sneezing. So, thank you!

    That said… Your intro got me excited that you might be switching to podcast format. Were you to decide to ramble into a microphone, you’d have at least one listener, rest assured!

  3. Josh says:

    Also, I see this was an April Fools joke, but Beorn, of all people you should know collaborating with the traitor Saruman is no laughing matter.

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